Romie and Juliet: Act II, Scene II

Having just argued with Mercutio and Benvolio about the possibility of being with Juliet, Romie snuck into the courtyard of the Capulets.
ROMIE :
He jests at scars that never felt a wound.
What would Mercutio know anyway?
His parents are so accepting.
They have his boyfriend over for dinner all the time.
Juliet enters onto the balcony of her room. Romie is captivated by her style and swag.
But, soft! What light through yonder window breaks?
It’s Juliet and daaaayuuuuum she looks fine!
What foundation is she using? Must be Fenty
Cause she got that beautiful brown skin
That Chemist Warehouse doesn’t stock for.
Maybe we can exchange make up?
I get really pale in the winter and crisp up in the summer
But who can afford two different foundations?
That’s the beauty of a queer relationship – double the wardrobe!
Juliet leans against the balcony. She rests her cheek in her palm and stares into the night’s sky, a look of anguish across her face.
JULIET:
Gaaah…my feet are killing me!
What kind of psycho invented high heels?
Why do girls have to wear clothing that LITERALLY hurts?
ROMIE:
She speaks! O speak again bright angel!
Gurrrl I love a woman who speaks her mind!
JULIET:
O Romie, Romie! Wherefore art thou Romie?
Mum says I can’t have anything to do with you
Cause our families are enemies,
But I’m pretty sure she’s just using that as an excuse
To cover up the fact that she’s a massive homophobe
And doesn’t want to admit it.
Romie was elated that Juliet had remembered her from the party!
ROMIE:
Shall I hear more, or shall I speak at this?
JULIET:
Tis but thy gender that is my enemy. Thou art thyself, not a pronoun.
What’s it mean to be ‘gay’ anyway?
Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans, Intersex, Queer
I mean I love the acronym rainbow but titles are just titles!
So what’s with these categories?
That which we call a rose
By any other word would smell as sweet.
So being with Romie shouldn’t be such a big deal!
Who cares whether I’m with a guy, a girl, non-binary whatever! What genitals someone has in their pants is no one’s business
And I can be with whoever I want.
Romie is struck by Juliet’s on-point politics.
ROMIE:
I take thee at thy word!
It’s so nice to hear someone who cares about pronouns and gets non-binary!
Henceforth I don’t wanna go by she/her pronouns.
I wanna use they/them.
Juliet jumps at the voice coming from the dark shady garden.
JULIET:
Who art thou that, thus bescreen’d in night
So stumblest on my counsel?
Why are you standing in the shadows like a creep?
You know that kind of behavior only heightens the fear
That women feel while walking the streets alone?
If you care about the safety of women you need to work with us
And stand as allies.
Romie suddenly realises how unacceptable their behaviour was.
ROMIE:
Oh hey I’m so sorry I made you feel unsafe.
I take full accountability and will change my behaviour
To help you feel safer in public places.
And I will call out misogyny, no matter how small
Because violence against women is everyone’s concern.
We all have a responsibility to change the culture of spaces
To make sure everyone feels safe.
Juliet recognises that voice from somewhere… Had she been following this person’s Insta-story earlier that day?
JULIET:
My ears have not yet drunk a hundred words
Of thy tongue’s uttering, yet I know that sound.
Art thou not Romie, a woman and a lesbian?
ROMIE:
Neither fair maid, I am non-binary.
JULIET:
How camest thou hither, tell me, and wherefore?
The orchard walls are high and hard to climb,
And the place death, considering who thou art,
If any of my kinsmen find thee here.
Romie is swept into adoration for this queer beauty and gets all mushy.
ROMIE:
With love’s light wings did I over perch these walls
For stony limits cannot hold love out,
Actually, the real struggle is climbing
The invisible structural barriers that are constructed
To disempower people of colour and queer genders and sexualities.
JULIET:
Yeah I feel ya Romie
But actually violence against queer people is real
And my family’s kinda cray.
Romie knows all too well the dangers of existing in a body that challenged heteronormativity.
ROMIE:
Ok, well I can be straight passing.
If I need to hide parts of my identity to keep myself safe that’s ok. There’s no shame in doing what I need to do to survive.
I’ll construct a community around me who accepts me for who I am. Anyway I heard you talking about being with me.
Do you wanna get a coffee some time?’
Juliet curses herself for not playing cool.
JULIET:
Oh you heard that? How embarrassing…
Romie swings their arms to the sky and proclaims:
ROMIE:
Lady, by yonder blessed moon I vow,
That tips with silver all these fruit-tree tops –
Juliet holds up her hand.
JULIET:
Firstly, not a ‘lady’.
That kind of language is belittling and paints a picture
Of superior femininity being demure and restrained.
The feminine can also be loud and aggressive.
Romie drops their arms.
ROMIE:
Oh… Soz.
JULIET:
And secondly,
O, swear not by the moon, th’ inconstant moon,
That monthly changes in her circle orb,
Lest thy love prove likewise variable.
Romie scans their mind for something to swear by that is as iconic as the moon.
ROMIE:
Ok I swear by Rupaul’s Drag Race.
Juliet crosses her arms.
JULIET:
Yeah but what season?
Cause All Stars is unpredictable as hell and Shangela was robbed! Also, the gender politics of the early seasons is questionable.
Romie bites their lip.
ROMIE:
Okaaaaay… How about Season 6?
We all knew Bianca was gonna win and we all adore Delano, what a babe. It was a good season!
JULIET:
Yeah okay swear by Season 6
Although it lacks the androgyny of later seasons
And doesn’t really challenge the constraints of gender.
Romie resumes position, arms thrust upwards towards Juliet.
ROMIE:
I swear by Rupaul’s Drag Race Season 6 that I’m really into you Aaaand … I think we should move in with each other?
Juliet suppresses a smile and speaks in a serious tone.
JULIET:
Oh yeah… That sounds cute, can we get a cat?
ROMIE:
Yeah let’s get two! And a Subaru!
There is a call from inside.
JULIET’S MOTHER:
Juliet!
JULIET:
Hey I gotta go—my mum’s calling me … Coming!’
A call from inside, louder this time.
JULIET’S MOTHER:
Juliet! Come hither!
We must remove the hair from thy legs and face
To conform to society’s restrictive interpretations of gender.
I am filled with fear that people may mistake you for a boy!
Romie and Juliet roll their eyes.
ROMIE:
Well, Juliet, when will I see you again? Where do queer people meet?
JULIET:
We don’t really have designated safe spaces
Cause the government thinks that safe spaces and safe schools Indoctrinate kids to be raging homosexuals,
Rather than realising that having a place to feel safe
Is integral to our development as happy, healthy adults.
Juliet’s mother calls from inside again.
JULIET’S MOTHER:
Juliet! I wanna throw out all your baggy clothes.
I tried to defy the trauma my parents instilled in me about being a woman
But I still have the impulse to project those constraints onto you.
I subtly and sometimes aggressively bully you
About your weight and gender presentation.
Why can’t you just wear dresses like other girls?
Juliet pulls her trackies midway up her calves to expose her unshaved legs just to antagonise her mum that little bit more.
Romie whips out their phone, accidentally opening every app except the one that they want.
ROMIE:
What’s your handle? I’ll find you on Instagram.
JULIET:
So it’s … @smashthewhitesupremacistpatriarchy
Romie laughs.
ROMIE:
Loooooove it!
Juliet picks at a piece of broccoli stuck in her back tooth.
JULIET:
What o’clock tomorrow shall I send to thee?
ROMIE:
By the hour of nine?
Juliet nods, tilts her head and smiles.
JULIET:
Ok cute, peace Romie! See ya when I’m looking atcha. Byeeeeeeeee!
Juliet waves as she spins back into her room. Romie sighs. What a babe!
ROMIE:
Sleep dwell upon thine eyes, peace in thy breast.
Would I were sleep and peace, so sweet to rest.
Hence will I to my friendly supportive peers
T’is no commmunity like that of queers.