This winter is going to last A lifetime, I am told or How I want to remember 2020
Throughout the story I’ve used edited lyrics of the song Myling Lullaby by Jonathan Eng:
(Yes the title is This winter is going to last/a lifetime I am told/or How I want to remember 2020)
Sleep now my child
The raven sings its song
I’m just going to start where the trouble does. With The Aviary.
Mum lived in The Aviary with the rest of the Averys before she met Dad.
But she never talked about them.
I hadn’t been back since Art’s funeral. After the local newspapers found out all they could talk about for weeks wads that The Aviary drove him crazier. Everyone knew that Wren went to Bell’s because it was the furthest she could get from The Aviary. Cath disappeared when I was 4. Mum told me the day it happened, if The Aviary had broken its fast.
Sleep now my child
The Aviary sings along
The Aviary made me uncomfortable in ways I couldn’t put into words. Like it was about to say something, but never did. Even after Wren went to Bell’s I never thought I’d come back to it. But I had questions about my family that only The Aviary still remembered the answers to.
It was time to find out what Mum was so afraid of.
The crows started cawing the minute I opened the door. As if they’d been waiting for me to come back. Photos of Cath were plastered on every square inch of wall. Some of them were the same ones. I remember counting 9 and 3 quarters of Cath on her first day of school and 10 of Cath grinning outside The House, surrounded by the crows. That day Wren had gotten all The Averys to stand from left to right in order of age; Molly, Arthur, Luna, Sam, Frodo, Bilbo, Merry & Pip, Ginevra, Joe, Herbert, Estella, Art, Mum, Wren & Cath. Mum had been impressed. Art had been just furious. At Wren, at Mum, even at all the crows. The kitchen counter was a mess of ant-infested takeout from when they took Wren to Bell’s. Every last bit of shelf space was cramped with mouldy, yellow, odd-smelling books Wren carried away during the few times the council let them come see us in town, over 100 kilometres away. I’m sure if they hadn’t stopped her Wren would’ve carried away all the books in the library. That was one of the few things Mum and Art still agreed on.
During the even fewer times Mum brought me to the Aviary everyone told me Wren’s room was off-limits. Except Wren. Maybe it was because she shared it with Cath for her whole life. Even after she’d disappeared.
There was a letter on her bedside table.
Reading this, it sounds like I had a plan. Like knew what I was doing. But I had no idea what the letter would say. Just like I had no idea where any of this was going.
When morning comes you’ll be
In someplace far away
HOW I WANT TO REMEMBER CATH
October 19th 2020
Wren had been here. When she was supposed to be at Bell’s.
The thing I remember was that when Cath made up her mind to do it, that was it.
She said she’d turn into a crow before she’d finish the short story. And she did.
Maybe if I hadn’t told her that every crow is the reincarnation of one of us whose soul is bound to The Aviary. Maybe if I hadn’t waited for Art to tell her. Maybe if Art hadn’t waited for me to tell her. Then maybe she’d still be here. But I doubt it.
That day we were packing she just watched us and didn’t say a word. Art told me to go to bed early. That was when the screaming started.
“That thing you’re afraid of isn’t going to end when we leave The Aviary. Wren has a right to remember these stories!”
And just by a wink
You’ll never think
“All my family are dead because of your stories! I think it’s best if we leave now. Before it gets dark. I’m going to start up the car now. Go wake Wren.”
The door creaked open and Cath came in. The room was pitch black but I heard her breathing heavily. The room was pitch black but I heard her pen screeching furiously on the notebook. The room was pitch black but I felt the book thud on my back. I flicked on the torch and glanced around the room. Empty. I picked up the book. It was open on the last page and smeared with blood and bits of black feathers.
Theres only time 2 tell u one thing;
I know y v caged bird sings.
But I want 2 b v free bird n leaps on v back o v wind n float downstream till v current ends. & dip my wing in the orange sun rays. & dare 2 claim v sky. 2 no how far I could go. Even if only for a month. A week.
Id b happy w/ just 1 more day and
Back on this day
“Wren what’re you doing here?”
“Dad let go! You’re gonna rip it!”
“Wren!”
“Dad Cath–”
The door slammed.
This life is oh so grim
Even in my dreams that night I could hear him yelling Cath’s name over and over again.
It’s tearing us apart
He didn’t come back until the next morning. With blood and bits of black feather smeared on his coat. The only thing he’d say the whole week was “Don’t you dare talk to me about your sisters again.” Mum definitely blamed Molly and the rest of them but I think Art blamed himself. He didn’t like talking about it but black feathers started appearing wherever he went. He tried not to lose control…and then he couldn’t.
But I’ll always keep
After that me and the crows became really close. We all had to remember so much. For a few years things were normal. I went to high school and I learnt how to fill out paperwork, apply for special considerations, doing exams.
And then I got the letter for Bell’s School. The Bell’s School For Peculiars. And I think you know the rest. Turns out my Dad was really good at hiding things.
And that’s how I want to remember my twin sister.
The day she made up her mind to remember.
And she did.
My baby deep
A little too good.
Wren Avery
I knew that Mum used to live with her family.
Turns out my Mum was really good at hiding things.
And that’s how I want to remember my mother.
The day she made up her mind to remember.
Within my heart
