Who am I if nobody is looking?

(Lara enters stage, fiddling nervously, then begins to speak)

LARA: Who am I if nobody is looking? It seems I’m always surrounded by people, though. (Gestures at the audience and laughs) But I like it that way. I like to be busy and working and talking and laughing. I used to get mad at mum for organising so many things, she’s even worse than me, made weekends so packed with last minute plans I was upset I never had 30 seconds to think about the next thing. Guess that’s where I get it from, my weekdays were busy too, this of my own doing. But now I feel empty. Maybe that’s why quarantine is so difficult? I’ve definitely never had to occupy this much time by myself before. Everything I do, the way I act and how I feel seems to be drawn mozzie-like from the people around me. Honestly, if I was ever alone before, I was procrastinating or sleeping. (Jokingly) Sad, right? I didn’t even notice til we had to do this.

LARA: Who am I if nobody is looking? I have to say that despite quarantine I still have no idea, the busy, rushing river of life has always waved my thoughts ever on. Time to consider the deep dark depths of what makes me, me, was always lost in muddy clouds of silt dredged up by the water. But now it’s like someone’s built a dam in the middle of it. The dust has settled, the water’s clear, and I feel like I have to decide if I even like what I see. (Pauses, thinking.)

LARA: So who am I if nobody is looking? Perhaps I’m expected to talk about how alone, I’m free from the scrutiny pelted at my fragile teenage ego. (Laughing) Dancing like no one’s looking, singing til my lungs give out, frolicking deep in nature or lying like a cat stretched out in the sun. The freedom of lonesome. I could say that, there’s some truth in it. But really, that wouldn’t be the whole story at all. (Pauses again)

LARA: Who am I if nobody is looking? Sometimes, it means alone with my harshest critic.